If I didn't freak you out by the Astroglide comment, this one will surely make you squirm. You know me, I don't hold back, so brace yourselves.
One of my favorite mama quotes....okay, actually a haiku is:
Tennis ball in sock,
Yet apt description of post nursing boobies.
And how right they were. I can almost say that I have reclaimed my boobs, but I'm sure there is a husband who would love to argue the fact that they belong to him....even though sadly still attached to me?! I haven't nursed in over 48 hours. Brody lost interest quicker than I would have hoped (even though tonight after his bath he came at me with his mouth wide open flashing his gopher teeth) I am bummed that we couldn't do it longer but also very happy to be free to dangle if you will without the fear of squirting someone in the eye. He will continue with formula (shriek!!) for only two more months and then regular whole milk. I know, I know.......all of you freaky lactaional guru chicks that are still nursing your seven year olds are scolding me right now. I'm pretty sure his brain function is tarp as a shack okay! He can see me and that is all that matters right? He will be okay, he loves the bottle and I have my boobs back!!! Though very sadly have shrunken in size and perkiness. Also much noticed by the one I love....he takes a quick glance and frowns, "where did they go?" I have no idea. I'm going to have to invest in those turkey cutlet gel things that you stick in your bra or some high quality padded push ups. All in all, I will miss nursing my baby to sleep, but we still have quality "snug" time (as Baylor calls it. I am glad that I no longer have to live in fear of eight sharp bunny fangs that could chomp down on me at any time. Whew!
So I found the phone. Where you ask? Good question. OUTSIDE!!!! I never take the phone outside, which leaves me to draw one conclusion. The crazy two year old whom which I share this house with must have brought it outside. It was behind the outdoor toy box and mighty damp. I plugged it back in and it lit up but no dial tone. Humpf. So I head to Wally World to purchase new phone.
Rip into new phone.
Realize why phone did not have dial tone.......
(you are an idiot.)
Ummmm forgot to plug in old phone to phone jack.
Plugged in old phone that was outside.
Will be returning new shiny non wet phone to Wal-mart.
Pray for me. Both boys are in the same room. Brody has been crying off and on for two hours. Not cool.