Thursday, August 28, 2008

Baylor Speidel: Poo Flinger

The story you are about to hear is completely true. The names and faces have not been changed to protect the innocent....because they are far from innocent. You may want to turn away and run if you have a weak stomach.

Setting: Our bedroom, nap time on Wednesday. My mistake: I forgot to put a pull-up on Baylor while he napped and then threatened him not to leave the room until I came and got him. There my friends, is my first mistake. TWO hours later....very thrilled that he actually made it through the nap without coming out of the room. I go up stairs to get him, open the door and....

"Where are your underpants?"

(I get the deer in headlight stare)

"What is that smell.....uhhhh"


Let me paint a little visual picture for you, as unpleasant as it is going to be. Baylor had apparently peed in his underwear and so he took it upon himself to remove them before his nap. Naked bum in bed=very very bad. I'm not sure when or how but when I opened the door all I could see was naked bum in the air and POO EVERYWHERE......and by everywhere I mean duvet cover, comforter, pillows, pillowcases, blankets, sheets, stuffed animals, book and wall..yes, wall. I'm not quite sure how you get poo inside of a book, but it's possible folks.

"mom, there was something scratch in my butt!" says little poo flinger.
(oh yea, it's called poop and you're supposed to DO IT IN THE TOILET and by no means smear it on every object in sight) So I spent the greater part of the afternoon trying to get poo out of everything. We're going to need new sheets, so I'll be taking up a collection soon.

Wait, the poo adventure continues.

I had to take the comforter to the laundry mat because it's was too big to fit in our washing machine so I decided to take Baylor with me to "help" me with the mess he had created. We had some time to kill so I took him to a little park while the comforter washed. We were having fun when I look over and he's silent (red flag and screaming alarm goes off: This means pooing in pants) I run over to him and I see pee running down his legs and he grunts, "I just pooped mom."

Dear Lord, what did I do to deserve this bowel movement torture?!!!

All I had in the diaper bag were a pair of underwear and luckily I had a plastic bag in the car. I was not even going to try to salvage these pants, there was no turning back. We had a long long talk about pooping and peeing in the toilet and how he was a big boy now and needed to tell me if he had to go. I've heard stories of digressing in potty training, and I guess we're having one of those moments.

So yesterday I spent waaaay too much time cleaning up poop. But someone has to do it!!! I guess that was the part of the mommy contract I didn't read before I signed the dotted line :)

I hope all of your days went far better than mine!!


Kim said...

I'm learning there was a LOT of small print on the mommy contract that I should have read! Thanks for the laugh...I'll share our stories next year when we're flingin' poo so you can reminisce about the good old days.

Janice said...

ok that was gross and I hope I never have to deal w/ that. BUT I used to have a diaper digger and have found it in hair and on forehead before. Something that can save your sheets is to lay them out in the sun, it should bleach it out. Between that and oxiclean(or generic version, I have some if you dont want to invest), it should work.

Philip said...

Hummmm.... I noticed no pictures with this one. Oh well, hope your days improve a little. ;-)

Crazy Mom said...

HHAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Okay, I'm laughing WITH YOU, not AT YOU! And saying there MUST be something with these boys born in the summer of '05 because I HAVE MY OWN HAPPY CRAPPY POO FLINGER HERE TOO!!!

(That is the relief laugh/sigh to know I'm normal, and so are my kids, relatively speaking!)

Andrea G. said...

Oh Keri... what stories you will be able to tell his wife one day and use for blackmail!

Jill Kapfer said...

I am laughing out loud. I really do not know what I would have done in that situation, I seriously think I would have cried and made Zach come home to deal with the mess!