Macey looking out the window, contemplating barking at random moving objects.
We're cute gosh darn it, but we shed like there's no tomorrow.
What? Huh? You want me to lick your face after I just licked my hiney? Sure thing, boss.
To Whom it may concern (or the little punks that run around with sharp objects in OUR house):
My fellow dog Macey and I need to address a few things. We sure have put up with a lot of crap from you humans, but this, "incident" has crossed the line. You let your children ride us, pull our tails, poke our eyeballs and pretend we're fire breathing dragons...and what do we do? Nothing. Okay, so maybe we growl occasionally, but you would too if a certain baby wanted to check out your tongue. A few weeks ago, two very sharp knitting needles entered the house (I believe the crazy lady wanted to learn how to knit....and failed, but at least she tried) So about those sharp needles....your son seems to think they make a perfect dog poking device. Not cool. We can't take it any longer, they must go. The children that is. They've taken our spot in bed...remember when we used to get to snuggle under the covers? That's right, they're outta here. We were here first and claimed this pad a long time ago. I know we haven't been the greatest animals to live with, but you'd puke all over the house if you ate a pound of butter pecan fudge. I speak for both of us when I defend the fact that dried dog terds a far easier to pick up. Accidents happen okay? We're not getting any younger and we'd like more attention please...and if that means getting rid of tweedle dee and tweedle destoryer, so be it.
We still love you and will always lick your face when you lay down on the floor and we'll always jump up on your clean pants with our dirty paws. We'll even pee on the kitchen floor once in a while. Heck, we will still eat your kid's dinners off the table before they even sit down. It's the least we can do. If the kids don't go...the knitting needles have to. Hide those stinkin things!!! It's about time your children figure out that THEY ARE NOT TOYS or dog poking devices. We've been poked and prodded far too much and it has to stop. We put all four paws down.
Chloe and Fatty (Macey)