Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The things we do

Now for those of you who don't yet have the responsibility and pure joy of having children yet, I want to give you fair warning on what you are about to read. It wouldn't be life without sharing our adventures. This is a true story and names have not been changed to protect the innocent because well, they aren't innocent at all....and this my friends, is what you get to look forward to when you pop out a few of your own.

This story doesn't take away from the fact that I am purely ecstatic about having two boys in underwear, but we all know there is a learning curve in the wiping department. Sure boys are easy with numero uno, when they shoot a stream of urine across the bathroom hitting just about everything in it's path, but it's numero dos that has me dreaming for independence.

Now in our family there are two ways of approaching the, "please wipe my hiney" stance. Each boy has a distinct way of doing it. Baylor likes to be left alone with a book and then when he is finished he yells, "MOOOOMM!!! I'm done!!!! I PPOOOOOOOOOOPPPED!!" Sometimes he uses adjectives like huge and enormous and has even asked to go get the camera (Sorry, gross...I know...such is life) By this time he has promptly removed all of his clothing upon arriving in the bathroom to do his duty (still trying to warn him that this will not fly in AK this fall!) and after completion of the duty...or should I say doodie, he whips around and comes at me with his butt in the air. Think football player getting in the, "hike" position....only he's four.....and naked. He is very polite when he asks me to, "wipe my butt please," but it doesn't really matter if you say please or thank you or mother dearest, it's still involves wiping someone else's backside. He is very capable of doing it himself so the rule is that he does it and then we make sure he's done an adequate job.

Brody on the other hand is quick and to the point. He gets done with his business and of course has to announce of his giant feat first, just like his brother. "MOOOOOMMMM!! I POOOOOOPPPPEED!!" and before I can get to him, he is instantly placed his hands up against the wall like he's going to get frisked. Kind of like this....
...and he isn't so polite and demands to be wiped....now. "Wipe my butt."

"Wipe my butt, what?"

"Wipe my butt, PUH-WEEESE!"

Commence wiping.

I try so hard to not laugh, but you would too if you came into the bathroom and there was a little tushie up against the wall.

So many apologies if you have a weak stomach or think this just might be over the top as far as information sharing. I couldn't resist. Have a delightful day.

1 comment:

Dawn said...

Oh my, that rocks!!