Tuesday, June 8, 2010

You have a lot of explaining to do.....

The other day at the park I was telling another mother about how I had gotten a pedicure and then I felt the need to explain why I had done so, how long it had been since I had one and where the, "extra" money had come from. Why not just say, "because I wanted to." Nope, had to explain. I needed to explain. Why? I have no idea.
This trend of explaining oneself after giving up certain information is all too common among mothers, believers and just about any human being on the planet. We find ourselves trying to make the situation sound a little better by explaining why or how or when, etc. When most of the time there is no need to and they probably could care less. I find myself trying to sugar coat my answers to try and sound like a super money saving thrifty loving frugal healthy mother....when we all know that is not always true. Why not tell it like it is.

Let me give you some examples:

Statement: My husband and I went out to dinner last night at this great restaurant
Explanation: We had a gift card of course.
What you should have said: I had steak and a beer and it was awesome. (Do you really need to mention the gift card? Heaven forbid you went out to dinner and paid full price)

Statement: Where did you get that cute shirt?
Answer: Oh, I found it at The Gap.....
Explanation: ...but it was on sale big time.
What you should have said: I love the Gap, I shop there all the time and one time I bought something that wasn't on sale (Sheik!)

Statement: I just had some awesome coffee cake.
Explanation: I only had a few bites and that was after I ran three miles so I totally burned this off.
What you should have said: I ate the whole freakin piece and it never tasted so good. I'm going back for seconds.....I may even lick the pan.

Statement: Did you son just throw his broccoli to the dog?
Explanation: Our dog loves broccoli and we eat so many fruits and vegetables that he's probably sick of it. In fact we never have sweets in our house....sugar is the devil.
What you should have said: Sure did. He doesn't touch anything green with a ten foot pole....except green suckers.

Statement: So you let your kids watch t.v?
Explanation: Sometimes and only educational programs that teach them grammar, Spanish and manners.
What you should have said: ...and then they watch Star Wars and try to beat each other over the heads with plastic swords and learn words like Naboo, Death Star and Intergalactic.

Statement: What did you do for dinner?
Answer: Oh, we had McDonalds.
Explanation: We had some gift certificates and we were on that side of town anyways because I had to buy some broccoli.
What you should have said: I love McDonald's fries and drove all the way into town just so I didn't have to fix dinner.

Scenario: You're in the car with a pal and you are singing along to the radio....to the song, "Baby Got Back." Do you know this song?
Explanation: You're on your own here.....

So next time someone asks you where you got your shirt proudly exclaim, "TARGET and it wasn't on sale!" or when you tell someone what you did this weekend, leave out the sugar coated explanations, they probably did the same thing!




3 comments:

Dawn said...

Love it!!

Janice said...

As for the Baby's got back song... I would fully expect my pal to jump in and sing along with me! hee hee hee!!!!

Jill said...

hilarious.